Kurdistan
5
Berdel - a Kurdish tradition known as sister swapping and parallel weddings
http://www.en.firatajans.com/news/ne...l-weddings.htm
Karacadað's women... They are living unaware of women rights, civil law and women liberation. It was like this a hundred years ago, 30 years ago, it is the same today. Although being only 25-30 kilometres away from the city centre, they are far from city life. After turning the age of 14 they wait for being exchanged in a ‘berdel’ marriage by their fathers, brothers or uncles. They’ve always seen this; they are living like this... because their mums and aunties married the ‘berdel’ way at this age too. Loving, being loved and marrying is not their but their parents' decision. In the semi-nomadic life lived on the slopes of Karaca, the lord, tribal restraints and feudalism are still their fate. In the Kurdish provinces which have been in agenda for honour killings and suicides in the recent months, a truth that everybody has accepted is still carrying on: "Berdel"- women and girls marrying through an exchange. ‘Berdel’ marriages are done (in order) to avoid paying the bonnet money which is around 10-15 thousand TL, and links the fate of four people to each other. If the woman who is married with 'berdel' is not wanted by her husband and divorces, the other woman married with 'berdel' will also have to divorce her husband even if they are happy. Because this is what ‘berdel’ requires ... If the 'exchanged good' is not liked, the buyer can return his 'good' and reclaim its own 'good' back.
95% of the marriages in the village is ‘berdel’
Sarýdal, 15 kilometres away from Diyarbakýr centre, a waterless barren village located in the slopes of Karacadað. Whilst being a hamlet, it split up from the Çanakçý village and gained the village status. In the 350 digit village, more than 95% of the marriages have been done the 'berdel' way. So the young who wants to marry by giving his sister to somebody else, Or the father/uncle, who wants to make his second marriage and is around the age of 50, have made their sisters- daughters-nieces 'berdel'. In this village as well as in the neighbour ones it is possible to see people who have made two, even three marriages the 'berdel' way. The headman of Sarýdal village, Abdullah Sümer is one of them. He has been the mukhtar of the village for 7 years. By giving his sister Radife and his daughter Semra as ‘berdel’ in 1963, he got himself two wives in return. He gave his other daughter Birgül Sümer as ‘berdel’ to his son.
‘’There isn't enforcement in the ‘berdel’ marriage, everybody does it with their own will’’ says the mukhtar Abdullah Sümer and carries on with explaining that they are continuing with this tradition because it has been maintained for centuries from their ancestors.
Youth against ‘berdel’
We are talking with the mukhtar Sümer in the village square, who gave his sister to his peasant and married with his peasant’s sister in return . Although the headman is telling us that in 'berdel' there isn't any force, the young ones intervene by saying, ‘’No this is not true, I swear they do it by force, nobody wants (is a volunteer) to marry as 'berdel'‘’, this is how they express their reactions to this tradition which they believe should be abandoned. Mukhtar starts to defend himself and tries to get out of the conversation by saying that formerly the marriages used to be done forcibly but now it is not like that, he is also trying to explain that the two 'berdel' marriages he has done were based on feelings. Mukhtar explains that they do not force girls into marriage if they are unwilling, and that the 'berdel' marriage is only done when four people have agreed to it. More than 95 percent of the marriages in the village are done the 'berdel' way stated the mukhtar Abdullah Sümer, adding that most recently he gave away his daughter Birgül to his uncle as 'berdel'.
’I wish I had not done it’
Marrying as a ‘berdel’ and one of those who regrets it is Hamit Ayaz (20). "I gave my sister and I took a girl from them’’ said Ayaz, who married (with) the ‘berdel’ way. In order not to give bonnet money marrying as 'berdel' is preferred, stated Ayaz, ‘’I accepted it because it has always been like this in the ancient times and it is our tradition’’.
Hamit Ayaz expressed his reaction by saying ‘’However I now regret it. I wish I had not done it; it is not a good thing. This type of marriage links the fate of 4 people. For example if I now divorce my wife, my sister who has been given as ‘berdel’ will have to divorce too. In this sense I see it bad’’ Nagile Sümer is one of the women married with ‘berdel’ in the Sarýgül village. She is 26 years old. 5 years ago she has been made ‘berdel’ to her brother. Nagile explains that she is not against Berdel, "When marriage comes to agenda, they ask us. We forcibly accepted it. Both I and my brother are going to marry. I thought like this and made my decision’’.
Households are brought considering ‘Berdel’
In the Sarýdal village we speak with the elders, women and young girls. They start to explain some of the disadvantages to them of the ‘berdel’ marriage. In a 'berdel' marriage the goods which you can buy for the marriage is limited. When somebody gives his daughter or sister to a 'berdel' marriage, the other side buys the same amount of goods as they have been given. Nothing missing, nothing more. For example if the bride side gives double-bed as the dowry, they give a double-bed too. Or if they have given 2 golden bangles to the bride, the other side buys the same amount of jewellery. Nothing extra, after all in an ‘exchange’ marriage everything should be the same amount. In the village we are speaking with young girls who came back from water collecting from the pit which they share with the animals. Most of them are against ‘berdel’ marriages. Because they have loved ones. Its good news if the man they love has got sisters, and then they can become a bride by the ‘berdel’ way to their brothers or father. And this way girls can marry with the man they love. But if the loved one hasn’t got a sister to ‘swap’ then things get harder. There is only one cure left for the man. He is either going to pay bonnet money or kidnap the girl he loves. Of course the abduction doesn’t end with a peace meal…
16 year-old Cana remains silent
In the village, we are trying to speak with a 16 year-old young girl Cana who is shy and afraid. A typical Kurdish girl. She is trying to hide her black eyes from us. First she doesn’t want to talk. We ask her about ‘Berdel’ marriages. She tells us that she is against it. When we ask her ‘’Well if your father or your brother forces you into ‘berdel’ marriage, what will your reaction be?’’ she remains silent. Girls who are living unaware of their own rights and laws being introduced about them, seems like bonnet money and backward marriages will become their fate until their parents or somebody warns them about their rights.
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Originally Posted by Musso
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